The Love You Seek is Your Own

The people in our lives are often mirrors for our souls. Whenever we are feeling unloved, unappreciated or insignificant, this is sign that something within us is out of balance. It is a sign from our soul that we are waiting for someone or something outside of ourselves to fill us up and make us whole.

It is similar to traveling down a road that leads to nowhere. No matter how hard we try or how long we wait, the end result will always be the same. Nothing outside of us can ever satisfy the longing for love and appreciation we feel because the dis-ease we are experiencing comes from within.

Negative feeling states originate in the mind of the observer and accurately reflect the thought process that is going on in consciousness. Wanting to prove to ourselves that our assessment of the situation at hand is correct, we look for evidence in the outer world to support our position and validate our “rightness”.

If negative thoughts originate in the mind, then it stands to reason that the mind is the only place where a solution to the problem of feeling unloved can be found. Therefore, no amount of positive feedback or well-intentioned comments from other people will ever squelch the nagging thoughts that constantly remind us of how unlovable we really are, because the love we seek is our own.

For example, whenever you find yourself feeling unloved, unappreciated, overlooked, or taken advantage of, it’s because you have allowed yourself to be treated in a way that supports the belief that you don’t deserve to be loved. The list of reasons why people feel unworthy of love is endless.

Here are some examples, just to name a few.  I’m too fat, too tall, or too short. I’m not smart enough to figure things out or I’m so smart that most people can’t relate to me. I was molested as a child, had a baby out of wedlock, or struggled with an alcohol and drug addiction most of my life.

Any negative experience could constitute a reason to feel unlovable and allow other people to treat us in manner that is less than what we deserve. But at the end of the day, its how we feel about ourselves that determines how much love we experience in our lives.

Here’s an exercise I have used with clients in the past that has significantly improved the way they feel about themselves.  It is designed to create dramatic changes in a short period of time.

1.       Buy yourself a journal that feels special to you and especially suited to your unique personality and style.

 2.     Do one loving thing for yourself every day, for the next 30 days, without missing a day.

 3.       At the end of the day, I want you to write down what you did for yourself that day that was “loving” towards yourself and intended solely for you. Notice how it made you feel.

For those of you who are drawing a blank, I’ve got a few ideas to get started. You could take a bubble bath, go for a walk in the park, or make your favorite entrée for dinner. You could go see a movie, get a pedicure, or buy yourself a new outfit. You could call a friend you haven’t spoken to in awhile or leave the dishes in the sink until morning. The possibilities are endless.

 The important thing to focus on is an unwavering commitment to do something each day, for thirty days, that makes you feel loved and appreciated by you - simply for being you. It might take a little time in the beginning to get into the habit of loving yourself.

Remember to cut yourself some slack. After thirty days of consistency doing something for yourself each day that feels loving to you, you will begin to learn a new way of being with yourself that will eventually change your life for the better.

 About the author

Kathleen Bren is dedicated to helping women transform their lives from the inside out. If you are ready to Change Your Story and Change Your Life, Kathleen provides the tools, guidance and inspiration necessary to help you live the life your soul intended.

Get a FREE copy of her new 7-Day e-Course: 7 False Beliefs that Hinder Happiness at www.soulfulgirls.com.