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The Windows to the Soul - Mastering the Art of Eye Contact What if I told you that I could help you connect with your listeners, improve the pacing of your presentations, read your listeners' responses to you and dramatically reduce your nervousness when public speaking? What if I then told you that you could do all of this by mastering only one new skill? Well that's what I'm about to tell you. This month's article is devoted to the most useful skill you will tackle in your development as a speaker (as well as one of the most difficult): Eye Contact. Sure, we've all heard how important it is to have good eye contact with our listeners. Many of us might even claim that we already do a pretty good job at it. From all my years of working with speakers, I can tell you that there is probably some room for improvement. The eyes are the most direct link to our emotions. And since one of the most critical tasks of speaking is connecting with our listeners, we'd be foolish not to take full advantage of this. Ask yourself this: Why is it that we seem to do our best during Question and Answer sessions? It's because we are engaged with a single person having a conversation. And that is exactly what we want to be doing the entire time we are speaking! All of us are comfortable in conversations. So think of speaking to a group as having a bunch of small conversations - not the dreaded "public speaking". Pick a person, stop and talk to him or her for an entire thought or sentence. Then, at a natural transition in your talk, find somebody else in the room, walk over toward them if possible, stop and talk to them. It's that simple. On the average, you want to spend 3-5 seconds with each listener before moving on. Any less than that is a bit fleeting, and much more can make your audience members feel uneasy. "But Robert," you protest, "I don't want my listeners to feel uncomfortable." When was the last time a speaker included you in their talk and made you feel uncomfortable? As a listener, you are simply glad that the speaker is paying attention to you. "But Robert," you continue, "I already do this!" Pay attention next time you are giving a presentation. Sure, you may be looking at everyone in the room. But are you staying with each person and speaking to them or simply panning the room back and forth doing your best sprinkler imitation? Practicing using good eye contact may not feel comfortable at first. But all you have to do is know that it works and follow Robert's Seven Rules for Excellent Eye Contact: - Always "Speak to the eyes" (not your notes, slides, flipchart, the floor, ceiling, etc.).
- Use "soft eyes" - don't bore holes through people.
- Spend an entire sentence or thought with one person before moving on.
- Include everyone in the room.
- Use a random pattern going around the room.
- In large groups, focus on one area of the room as if it was one listener (everyone in that area will think you are looking at him or her).
- When seated, make sure you include those on either side of you.
- Be sensitive to cultural differences.
Developing this skill will probably take some getting used to. And it may not be your favorite activity of the day. But if you want to develop quickly as a speaker, you must take advantage of the "windows to the soul." You must master the use of eye contact. Robert Graham is the Principal of GrahamComm (www.grahamcomm.net), a consulting and training company that helps clients increase their sales and deliver outstanding presentations. He can be reached at 415-652-0763 or Robert@grahamcomm.net. | 
